The Relief Trap: The Illusion of Progress Gay Men Fall Into

Introduction

For those who don't know I have been able to see hundreds of gay men try and change their bodies. The ones who fail or fade have certain actions or inactions that led to their downfall. In the world of gay men’s fitness, many fall into the same trap: mistaking the excitement of getting a trainer, a new plan, or even a community for the actual work of building muscle and transforming their bodies. They confuse the starting line for a finish line. My goal is to help you sidestep the illusion so you can get a body and life you are proud of.

The Trainer Complex : Why Gay Men Mistake Action For Progress

Most gay men have felt some pull or pressure to improve their body. At some point, we all try. That attempt comes in many different forms:

• Downloading a workout plan

• Hiring a trainer

• Finally get the gym membership

• Watching some YouTube videos or Instagram Reels

• Joining a fitness community or club

• Buying new workout clothes

• Investing in a Peleton, Fitbit, Oura ring, Noom subscription

The odd part is the moment they pull the trigger, swipe the card, hit subscribe, or join the group they feel better. It's as if the belly fat disappeared with the payment.

Only problem is none of these things are the finish line... They are the start.

The bad news is psychologically, it feels like you have solved the problem. But if you don't put in consistent effort over the next few months, your body won't change. In fact, it might get worse. The small pudge could grow, and your doctor may give you unexpected news at your next check-up.

Why Gay Men Confuse Decisions With Results

Psychologists call this Premature Cognitive Closure. It's the tendency to believe a problem is solved too early, simply because you took an initial step. Research shows this can create false confidence and stop people from completing the actual process of change.

It works like this:

Before the purchase : You feel pain or tension. The gap between where you are and where you want to be causes stress.

Moment of purchase : Your brain gets a rush of dopamine. You feel like you’ve solved the problem, and you experience closure.

Reality : Nothing has actually changed yet. You mentally feel like you just finished the race, but you haven't even started running.

This is dangerous. Real change in fitness requires:

• Proper Energy : Create a calorie surplus (to gain) or calorie deficit (to lose) over weeks.

• Proper Protein: Consume about a gram of protein per pound of body weight.

• Proper Training: Build a routine around consistently getting to the gym and making the workouts harder.

• Proper Recovery: Make space to consistently rest and recover.

The Coming Out Parallel : Relief Isn't Results

Premature Cognitive Closure doesn’t just happen with fitness. It plays out in other parts of life too. Think about coming out. It has the same 3 phases as your fitness journey.

Pressure : There is pressure and tension from living inauthentically and pretending to be something you're not to fit in.

Decision Moment : You finally get the courage to tell a close friend. A huge wave of relief comes over.

Reality : Though it feels like the problem solved, you're just getting started.

Coming out is crucial, but it’s just the beginning of living authentically. There is still a whole journey ahead of learning to be you, and even fun things like learning to not get triggered when someone asks a ignorant questions like, "Who's the girl in this relationship?"

How Gay Men Build Real Confidence

The point of this post is simple. Many gay men mentally check out when they finally have what they need to begin.

• No trainer can hold you accountable if you keep making excuses.

• No piece of equipment will magically build your muscles or melt the fat.

• No community can support you if you don't show up and engage.

The decision isn't the finish line. It's the starting line.

Relief isn’t progress. For gay men, whether in fitness or life, the decision is only the starting line. Real confidence comes from the weeks and months of consistent action that follow.

Built For You

If you would like a specific plan built to account for you, your life, your obstacles, and your goal, buy a training program. On your onboarding call, we will see you came from this post and take you down a different process to build something specific to you.

To get a program click here: https://b.link/relieftrap

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