The Real Reason Gay Men Quit Fitness: Part 2 — Lack of Perceived Progress
Introduction
After working with hundreds of gay men, I have learned that most do not quit because they are lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined. They quit for a handful of reasons, and most of those can be prevented.
One of the biggest reasons (and the second we will cover in this series) is not about whether progress is actually happening. It is about what they believe. Many men give up the moment they think they are not making progress, even when they are.
Why Perceived Progress Matters
When I was building the training program at T2T Fitness, I wanted a place where gay men could learn exactly what they needed to do that would actually work. No fluff. Just clear steps they could follow to take action, see results, and build a sense of competence in the gym and with their body. The hope is that this sense of competence builds into confidence, which keeps them motivated to stay on the journey and reach their goals.
In fitness, one of the strongest motivators for long term success is the belief that your actions are producing results. In 2000, researchers introduced what became known as Self Determination Theory (SDT). It explains that human motivation and adherence to a behavior (like sticking to a training plan) depend on three basic psychological needs being met:
Competence : the need to feel effective and that you can make progress.
Examples in our training program include hitting new personal bests, seeing the scale consistently move in the right direction, measuring bigger arms or smaller waistlines, or noticing clothes fitting more comfortably.
Autonomy : the need to feel you have choice and control over your actions rather than being forced or micromanaged.
Examples in our training program include adjusting your nutrition plan over time to fit your lifestyle, deciding when to work out, or changing reps and sets because you know your body is still recovering.
Relatedness : the need to feel connected, supported, and valued by others.
Examples in our training program include training with friends, being part of a community, or receiving encouragement from a coach or mentor.
When all three conditions are met, motivation is more likely to shift from external rewards to internal drive. This means the person continues because the process itself feels satisfying, not just for outside recognition. The fewer of these conditions that are met, the less likely someone is to feel motivated to continue.
When a person feels they are not making progress, competence is threatened. Motivation weakens, adherence to the plan drops, and effort decreases. As effort falls, the chance of noticing results gets even smaller. This cycle often continues until the person thinks "this isn’t working. Why bother?” and eventually quits.
The Role of Early Wins
Studies confirm that results in the first 6 to 8 weeks predict whether a person is likely to stick with a plan. In the early days of our program, this was a challenge. Clients struggled to see results until I identified the specific actions that created consistent progress. We built a system around those actions so we could reliably help gay men succeed.
The steps that create the first wins need to be performed, tracked, and celebrated as quickly as possible:
Getting to the gym and strength training. Over time this leads to personal bests in weight lifted, more total sets and reps, an increase in training days each week, and streaks without missed sessions. These actions build muscle and create a more defined physique.
Tracking food in some form. Over time this leads to hitting target weight goals and improving body measurements, such as a smaller waist or a larger chest and glutes. These results compound into visible changes, like buying new clothes and losing the stomach that used to cause frustration.
Plateau Problems
For gay men, the pressure often feels amplified. If progress is not dramatic in a short time, it can feel like failure even when you are actually progressing better than average. When the standard becomes perfection or constant comparison to men on Instagram, it is easy to believe your efforts are wasted.
The truth is that everyone eventually hits a plateau. Results slowing down is a normal part of the process. Unfortunately, many men see this stall as proof they will never reach their goals. This is one of the most critical points in the journey, where motivation fades and effort begins to slip. That is where coaches must step in to help clients reframe progress and stay on track.
How to Reframe Progress
Expect plateaus. They are not failures. They are signals that it is time to adjust the plan.
Choose progress over perfection. Slow progress is better than no progress. Being a little better than last week matters.
Think long term. Losing two pounds in a week might not feel like much, but losing twenty four pounds over a quarter is undeniable.
Closing Thoughts
If you feel stuck, it is not because you lack willpower. Often, it is simply because you did not know what steps would deliver results soon enough to keep your motivation alive. Plateaus will happen. When they do, reframe them as signs to adjust your plan, not proof that you have failed. Stay consistent, and over time you will internalize the identity of a fit, competent, and confident version of yourself.
Built For You
If you would like a specific plan built to account for you, your life, your obstacles, and your goal, buy a training program. On your onboarding call, we will see you came from this post and take you down a different process to build something specific to you.
To get a program click here: https://b.link/startperceivedprogress
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