Why Most Gay Men Who Say They Have Body Dysmorphia Actually Don’t

Introduction

This past week, while training for my first competition, a thought started as a whisper: I’m not lean enough yet. Soon it turned into a yell: I feel fat right now.

It started when I caught myself over-analyzing my reflection on camera when I was making content and got to the point where I almost passed on enjoying myself this Folsom weekend. The odd part is that I am 236 pounds and about 8% body fat.

While running T2T Fitness, where we help gay men feel fun, sexy, confident, and connected, I have heard many of our potential clients say they were pretty sure they had body dysmorphia.

How could someone who is very lean and struggling with body fat both feel the same way? That question pushed me to research body dysmorphia really is and isn't.

What Body Dysmorphia Really Is

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a real, recognized psychiatric condition It is a lot more than feeling unhappy with your body.

According to the DSM-5 and International OCD Foundation, BDD effects about 2% of the population. It means you are fixating on the perceived flaws or imperfections to the point you are experiencing these signs:

• Obsessive focus - Spending hours a day thinking and oftentimes worrying about the perceived flaws and your appearance.

• Distorted Perception - Genuinely do not see yourself as you actually are negatively.

• Impairment - Skipping work, avoiding relationships, and hiding from social life. This oftentimes leads to feelings of anxiety, avoidance, or depression.

• Compulsion - Frequent checks with mirrors, photos, or videos to reassure yourself that you're hiding your perceived flaws.

In muscular men, BDD often shows up muscle dysmorphia (sometimes called "bigorexia"). This is the muscular man who is lean who feels "not lean enough", "too small", or that "their waist isn't tight enough".

Why Gay Men Feel The Pressure More

Like it or not, gay culture places a premium on looks. How cute or slutty a man can look gets him more attention on dating apps, at party scenes, and even in everyday living. Our world rewards definition, which can make healthy men feel invisible.

Research shows:

• Gay and bisexual men report more body dissatisfaction than heterosexual men.

• We typically score higher on tests for muscle dysmorphia symptoms, but not high enough to meet clinical disorder criteria.

But let's be clear here, body dissatisfaction is not the same thing as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).

When Failure Turns Into A Protective Label

After thousands of calls with gay men considering coaching, I noticed a pattern. Most of the people who mentioned body dysmorphia on the call also had:

• Tried multiple diets or programs that "didn't work" for them.

• Seen little lasting success with their fitness goals.

• Felt stuck, plateaued, trapped and discouraged.

Something we do know in the fitness world is that with each failed attempt to change your body lowers a persons self-efficacy. This means their belief that they can change drops each time. Sometimes reaching for a safer explanation of having a disorder can feel safer than believing “I just haven’t had the right tools or plan.”

That label can feel comforting. It shifts the pain from I failed again to I have a condition. But the the downside is it locks men into an identity that makes it harder to try new or better approaches.

The wild part is that most of these men don't have a disorder. Think of it this way:

Lets say there is someone is working 14 hour days for months on work they do not love and drinking in the evenings to cope. Feeling depressed in this situation doesn't mean they are broken. It feedback that means change is needed.

The same thing happens when a person is 25% body fat and they feel dissatisfied with their body. Neither you nor your brain are "broken". It is a healthy signal that a change is needed for the sake of your overall health.

A Healthier Frame

If you’re a gay man struggling with body image, consider this:

• Dissatisfaction isn’t always dysmorphia. It’s often normal feedback that can fuel growth.

• Frustration can be productive. Many of us quit too early when a plan fails. The right structure, coaching, and education can change the outcome.

• Know when to get help. If you’re spending hours obsessing, avoiding life, and your self-image feels unshakably distorted, therapy (CBT for BDD) or medication can help. Just as a man who is hypogonadal and has low T would benefit in a big way from a little testosterone, a person who actually has BDD could benefit from a little medication.

Closing Thoughts

Body dysmorphia is real, but rare. Calling every insecurity body dysmorphia dilutes the term and can keep you stuck. Most gay men who say they have it are experiencing normal dissatisfaction shaped by culture and repeated failure, not a permanent psychiatric condition.

That’s actually good news. If it's isn’t a disorder, it’s not a life sentence.
It means you can rebuild confidence, learn the right tools, and finally create the body you’ve been chasing. You aren't broken and there is no need to label yourself.

If you do think you have a condition, get help.

Built For You

If you would like a specific plan built to account for you, your life, your obstacles, and your goal, buy a training program. On your onboarding call, we will see you came from this post and take you down a different process to build something specific to you.

To get a program click here: https://b.link/startbdd

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